No, not this Muse. Though, hey, they might work out. Catchy tunes. Apparently worked for Stephenie Meyer. But I don’t want sparkly vampires creeping into my manuscripts so…
All great artists have a muse, so they say. I’m not sure I’ve ever officially had one, but I could certainly use the inspiration now.
The first applicant? This one. She (allegedly) left Julia London’s employ (or was fired, it’s still unclear) and came to me claiming responsibility for all of Julia’s books up to The Revenge of Lord Eberlin, but she couldn’t name a single character. She didn’t even know about Lucy. Suspicious!
I sent her on her way. I hear she self-published her first book on Amazon last week: I Am Wondermuse and So Can You. It’s number one in Free Nonfiction. Maybe I should have snapped her up after all.
Next?
I tried Lady Grantham in the role, but she just would not stop with the zingers. Like, “Zebra prints belong on a conservatory ottoman and not on a lady’s bottom.” (Hey, they’re my writing pants!) and “No one wants to kiss a girl in zebra pants.” And “if your husband intended you to have an opinion, he would write it for you in his own blog.” Ugh.
Olivia Newton-John showed up in costume from Xanadu. Still fits! She roller-skated around my living room and sang a few bars, but I recommended she look up John Travolta and record a Christmas album. Hahaha, it was a joke. Well, she did! I guess I played muse for her instead. Huh. 
Then Big Bird came around. He’s not unemployed yet, but he saw last night’s debate and fears what the future might hold. I told him, quite honestly, that Snuffleupagus comes more highly recommended, but I would keep them both on the list for future consideration. For now, Sesame Street still needs them, so back to the nest.
Good help is hard to find. How about you? Have you ever sought divine intervention? Angel on your shoulder? Muse? Who is your inspiration?
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Okay I can’t remember when I snorted this hard over a post. Oh… and if you see her, can you send Wonder Woman my way? Lady Grantham is just too scary…
She’s a mean one. I leave Lady Grantham to Shirley Maclaine. If the cigarette butt trail in Julia London’s yard leads to a bunch of empty beer cans, I think we’ll know that WW is back in Julia’s favor.
You, Sherri Fairy. You are my inspiration. I keep waiting for you to actually write a few pages so that I will, too.
Funny….I thought I saw Wonderwoman lurking in my backyard again, and there was that curious trail of cigarette butts…
I wrote a whole paragraph this morning so far. Look at me go! Wheeee!
That’s inspirational, Sherri–seriously, it is. I’m getting my butt in the chair and am determined to get some pages done.
When I was a kid, I had an imaginary friend named Marsh. When ever something fell and broke it was Marsh’s fault. Now personally I do not remember Marsh. When I caught the flu that came from Hong Kong where people were dropping dead in the streets in the mid 70′s, and was too ill to even walk, my mom bought me a small felt policeman that she said was Marsh and he would look out for me. I think Marsh became a policeman in HER eyes because my dad was one. Anyway. I have kept Marsh with me everywhere I have gone. I have also brought my Raggedy Anne, my very small soft jointed rabbit, the amethyst stone my sister gave me with a dolphin carved in it, and my small horde of gargoyles that sit sentinel in my bedroom facing all open directions. Yep. They are small replicas of real gargoyles and they are on the top of the tall bookshelf, each one facing a different direction. I don’t know why.
The other day, when the Queen stopped by for tea and crumpets, we had a disagreement over which comes first on the scone, the cream or the jam. I caved in since she IS the queen and all. After she left, Prince came over and we swapped hair styling tips. I kicked him out when one of his heels scuffed the wood floor. I then had an owl drop off my invite to Hogwart’s. I must admit I am a bit nervous to meet everyone but I am sure it will be ok. I will ask Merlin, the female raven from the Tower of London who followed me all over the Tower grounds to go with me for protection.
Ah, I need Marsh but he’s yours. Maybe some gargoyles. I still have my Pillsbury Dough girl doll from the 70s, but she isn’t volunteering any plotlines. Not even a character sketch. She could at least bake some rolls. But no.
Ok. I told you the story of the Little People (who I went to save one night when I was asleep because I heard a cat howling and thought it was chasing the little people and I woke up outside in the driveway wearing a very short see through shirt and my husband has NEVER let me forget that either). Well. Anyway. They inspire me to do things. Like today they whispered how nice it would be to have home made bread so for some odd reason when I went to the grocery to buy coffee I left with a tin of yeast and strong bread flour.
Ti, that’s brilliant. I could do all sorts of things and blame the Little People. How do you lure them to come help you out? Do they help you with writing, too? I’m allergic to cats, so we might get along very well. They could ride the corgi all over the house.
Ok. My secret is out. I am writing their story. Well…not THEIR story but they are in it.
I think I found them one day. I was taking a walk near the house. We live on the river and there are plenty of fields near here. It was a very magical kinda day…very misty but the mist was in layers and I was walking near a field and the river and could not see the river but heard it and the sun could not get through and it was so magicky feeling that I said out loud to myself that it was the perfect setting for a fairy doorway. I think they heard me and slipt through. I swear, someone watches me. And I still dream of them. Which is where my story is coming from. I have sooooooooo much in my head about them….and just cannot get it out on paper. I sit and start to type and I am trying to get so many things out at once that I trip up and get lost and like now…I just do not know where to go. My ‘story’ they whisper to me in my dreams has SO many levels that I could be writing books for years!!
And they love love love apple fritters. With lots of spice. I seem to ‘hear’ them more after making something appley or blackberry.
I want to come to Ti’s house and have bread!