Characters I Would (And Wouldn’t) Like to Be

by Julie Kenner/J.K. Beck/J. Kenner on January 10, 2012

Let’s talk action-gals, shall we? Because there was a point in my life, when I thought that being Buffy or Sydney Bristow (Alias is my current pm comfort watch) would be so dang cool. I mean, they’re smart (even though Buffy always says she isn’t), they look great in all sorts of clothes, and they can kick serious butt.

Way more exciting than my life, right? I mean, I have never once had to construct a skirt out of dimestore wrapping paper or dye my hair in a grimey gas station restroom. And fighting vampires? (Or sleeping with vampires, for that matter?) Nope, hasn’t happened.

I used to think it would be fun to be them. To be the action queen, secure in the knowledge that I could kick butt and still be around to wise-crack at the end of the day. Because, as the heroine of my own story, I’d never end up getting nailed. Somehow, I’d always come out of it okay. (Picture Sarah Michelle Gellar’s enigmatic grin at the series finale of Buffy.)

But here’s the trouble: My life can’t handle any more excitement. Already my house is a three ring circus with the kids in the center ring, two destructo cats in the outer ring (we can’t keep anything glass on the table or the breakfast bar without risking sliced up feet when it comes crashing down), and a flood of laundry and dishes over there under the big spotlight. And, yeah, the dishes are always in the spotlight. That’s one of those circus acts that’s incredibly enduring. I’ve got kids to schlep and a mom to help and bills to pay and carpets to vacuum and yards to mow and groceries to buy, and if that’s not as challenging as breaking into the Kremlin I don’t know what is. Especially during the holidays–trying to navigate the baking aisle requires a grappling hook and more endurance than I have. And don’t even get me started about changing lightbulbs in the new house. Eight foot ceilings are nice and all that, but did they consider how to get to the fixtures when they built the place? Folks, balancing on a rickety Ikea barstool takes some serious skill.

Honestly, I don’t know where Sydney finds the energy to put on all those funky outfits; I’m doing good just getting showered and dressed by noon.

Thank goodness I’m a writer. I can go off and fight demons, kill bad guys and save the world all from the comfort of my office while wearing my sweats and drinking my coffee. I figure that’s a very good deal.

Who’s your favorite action-oriented television or movie character? Do you ever wish you had their life?

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{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }

M. C. Pearson January 12, 2012 at 1:00 pm

You crack me up!

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Julie Kenner/J.K. Beck/J. Kenner Julie January 12, 2012 at 2:03 pm

That’s a good thing!

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Jax (Jackie Hinson) January 10, 2012 at 11:34 am

Well, Buffy is my fav of all time, but if I was going to go ever so slightly further afield, my husband and I have been watching Doctor Who, and I gotta say I could happily handle being picked up by the TARDIS!

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Julie Kenner/J.K. Beck/J. Kenner Julie Kenner/J.K. Beck January 10, 2012 at 12:23 pm

I have GOT to start watching Dr. Who. Someone told me where to start, but I didn’t write it down, and it’s overwhelming. Suggestions???? It’s like there’s 800 different seasons, LOL!

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Dee Davis Dee Davis January 10, 2012 at 11:34 am

Love both Buffy and Alias. At the moment my fav is probably Hawaii 5-0 and I’d love to be able to kick-butt like Kono. But in truth I wouldn’t last a minute in her world. And Millionaire Software Tycooness Kathleen O’Reilly is pretty kick-ass in my book.

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Julie Kenner/J.K. Beck/J. Kenner Julie Kenner/J.K. Beck January 10, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Haven’t watched Hawaii 5-0 in years. This is the new version, yes? I remember the old one was my dad’s fav. Along with Adam 12 :)

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Amber Dawn Bell January 10, 2012 at 11:26 am

I thought it’d be cool to be Angelina Jolie in Tomb Raider or Geena Davis in The Long Kiss Goodnight or even Sharon Stone in The Quick and the Dead. These chics weren’t scared of anything. Must be so liberating! And of course, Buffy! I mean, how much cooler could you be?

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Julie Kenner/J.K. Beck/J. Kenner Julie Kenner/J.K. Beck January 10, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Oh, yes! the Tomb Raider movies are one of my not-so-guilty pleasures!

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Julia London Julia London January 10, 2012 at 9:47 am

I think there were times I wish I could be a Charlie’s Angel. Jacquie, I never saw Buffy or Alias, either.

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Julie Kenner/J.K. Beck/J. Kenner Julie Kenner/J.K. Beck January 10, 2012 at 10:00 am

When I was a little girl, my two best friends and I used to play Charlie’s Angels. I always ended up being Kate. I wanted to be Kelly :(

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Dee Davis Dee Davis January 10, 2012 at 11:35 am

I can do the gun stance :) But not alas Farrah’s hair — although I gave it my best in the tenth grade. Wings and my hair just don’t work.

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Julie Kenner/J.K. Beck/J. Kenner Julie Kenner/J.K. Beck January 10, 2012 at 7:21 pm

I could totally see you with farrah hair!

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Jacquie D'Alessandro Jacquie D'Alessandro January 10, 2012 at 9:40 am

I guess this is where I have to sheepishly admit that I’ve never seen an episode of Buffy or Alias (hanging my head in shame). I guess I’ve always preferred the romantic comedy genre to the action/adventure. But–I used to want to be Wonder Woman. Well…actually, I just wanted to look like Linda Carter in that outfit. Oh, and I used to want to be Jamie Summers, the Bionic Woman. Well…actually, I guess I just wanted the 6 Million Dollar Man.
I’m a hopeless case!

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Julie Kenner/J.K. Beck/J. Kenner Julie Kenner/J.K. Beck January 10, 2012 at 10:01 am

I love, love, loved the Bionic Woman!!! Both Buffy and Alias have romance through lines. Which I love; wouldn’t be the same show w/o ‘em!

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Dee Davis Dee Davis January 10, 2012 at 11:36 am

Loved Jamie Summers. And Lindsey Wagner!!! Oh and Stephanie Powers in Hart to Hart

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Sherri Browning Erwin Sherri Browning Erwin January 10, 2012 at 9:04 am

OMG, dishes! I just unloaded the dishwasher and it’s full again. Never ends!

I want to be best friends with Millionaire Software Tycooness Kathleen O’Reilly. Get on that! Yes, actually, there are some pretty cool sidekicks out there too. I love Buffy’s Willow. Or to be the evil villain! Sure, it’s messy and it doesn’t end well, but how fun to say all those horrible things to people and behave badly. Back to heros, when I was writing Jane Slayre, I really wanted to be her. I probably would have chucked my morals and just lived in sin with Rochester– after bitching him out for lying to me. And oh yes, there would have been jewelry and a shopping spree… well, that’s where Jane and I differ.

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Julie Kenner/J.K. Beck/J. Kenner Julie Kenner/J.K. Beck January 10, 2012 at 10:02 am

LOLOLOL. It’s like Darrin and Major Nelson. Why turn down the possibility of any kind of spree when the possibility exists?

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Sherri Browning Erwin Sherri Browning Erwin January 10, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Yes! I never understood that.

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Kathleen O'Reilly January 10, 2012 at 8:24 am

And getting back to the topic of hand, I never wanted to be an action hero, I only wanted to be Millionaire Software Tycooness Kathleen O’Reilly. Yes, even in high school I was writing Harlequin Presents titles.

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Julie Kenner/J.K. Beck/J. Kenner Julie Kenner/J.K. Beck January 10, 2012 at 10:03 am

Well, get on that. I’ll be your faithful assistant!

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Kathleen O'Reilly January 10, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Minion! I’ve always wanted a minion of my own!

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Julie Kenner/J.K. Beck/J. Kenner Julie Kenner/J.K. Beck January 10, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Feed me coffee and I’ll be your minion :)

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Kathleen O'Reilly January 10, 2012 at 8:22 am

Bwahahahahahahaha….. I AM an action hero. I Am Mom.

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Julie Kenner/J.K. Beck/J. Kenner Julie Kenner/J.K. Beck January 10, 2012 at 10:02 am

Exactly……

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